…And if you are a man with Christian convictions, I know you know, what the title means.

These means that you are in a relationship that simply pulls you away from God. A relationship that does you more (spiritual, physical, emotional) harm than good.

I am always heartbroken when I hear these kinds of questions from my close friends. Specially that I can so much relate to it.

Men, normally get into unhealthy relationships because of selfishness. Because they wanted to feel that they are still in control of their (love) life after a bad breakup; some are in a hurry to be in a relationship to prove something to others; some just have to be in a relationship for the physical intimacy (yes, majority of men won’t admit this upfront). It might take a little brutal honesty just to admit to yourself and others, that you may have one or two selfish reasons why you got yourself in that unhealthy relationship you are in. But that honesty might just be the very first step you need to break out of the mess you created.

Admit and repent.

Next, is, yes, ask for prayers, you need that. You definitely need the power of the Holy Spirit to block off her hand when she attempts to slap you (didn’t Jesus said something about giving the other cheek? Nevermind). Kidding aside, You must know the extent of the mess you made and make plans, on how to untangle yourself out of it. Take responsibility where needed and lift up to God the things you cannot do anything about. That being said, do not expect for the woman to shout “praise the Lord!” When you finally tell her you want to break up with her. That won’t happen. You started something, finish it! You can never control her reactions. You can only pray that someday she comes (back) to God and/or may find it in her heart to forgive you. Whichever comes first.

There is no easy way to break somebody’s heart. That’s what the old song said. There’s truth to that, brother. You have to do, what a man’s got to do. Tell her the truth, and leave her alone. I say this because you might be tempted to come back and try to be her comforter. You are not the right person to do that. Repeat 99x for good measure. Let God do her work of sending people to comfort her. You doing it will just make it harder for her to get over you- give her the space she needs.

Go back to God. Surround yourself with people who can help you and NOT condemn you (or God-forbid, celebrate with you). I am very sure that, you, as selfish as you may have been, need some comforting too. Ask God for that and open up to very close friends as needed. Be strategic on whom you share your story to, you do not want to spread rumors that could hurt both parties. Your goal is to find people who can lead you back to God.

Lastly, forgive yourself. Read my previous post on that. Trust me, it’s a crucial part of your moving on.

Brothers, I can only write this article, because I myself have been in similar situations and I know how it felt. It may not be as complicated as what you have now, but I can definitely relate. I know too, that, God’s arm will never be too short to rescue us from the mess we have gotten ourselves into. He can dust us off and send us back on our way to becoming the man He wants us to be.

God bless you and may His Spirit be with you as you decide to make it right with Him through your relationships.

Val Baguios III is an IT Service Desk shift supervisor working in IOM (International Organization for Migration).

One of his passions is discovering and sharing the vast wisdom that can be taken from the Bible and applying it on how we do work daily in the corporate world.

You can visit his site www.brokenmindset.org.

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